Hostility is only communicated due to the lack of emotional maturity!
When I get the chance to speak with our youth, so much younger than myself, note I look at myself as being youthful due to my attitude towards life, I ask them a simple yet revealing question. What is age, what does it mean to each of them? I then collect their abbreviated feedback on index cards and begin a dialogue based on their perspective. Every once in a while a ‘yut’, as pronounced in the movie ‘My Cousin Vinnie’, will ask me what has this got to do with interpersonal communications. My response is equally simple and that is, since 80+ or – percent of communications is non verbal and before we get to express ourselves we have preprogrammed opinions and points of view just about everything and every one, how on earth can you fit all that and then a clarifying conversation to clarify our understanding of what was just said on top of discovery of the intent of the other person (this is the silent evaluation we make about how safe it is to even respond to the question in the first place, into 20 odd percent or whatever is left?
I know you don’t and properly never have considered it this way. Our brains execute this back and forth simultaneously in nanoseconds? Yes there is actually such a measurement of time. It’s like saying you work 3.5 months every year before you make a dime. Ouch! Wrong conversation. Check your W2 and then we can talk. Back to our conversation. So how do you enter a typical conversation. I mean you individually and not as an exercise in group think?
From the top. Forward thinking people bring a game plan, schedule with talking points that guide the conversation and by pass most if not all distractions. What is important is results. The attainment of desired objectives and for the enlightened, mutual collaboration that creates ‘I want to work with those people again’, mentality. Read The Language Imperative by Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D.
Images, the touch or verbal expressions, the smell of something and especially the appearance of people triggers our synapsis, messages in our memory based on past electrical impressions to the memory portion of our brain. Our ability to manage our nervous system by changing its activity in response to intrinsic or extrinsic stimuli by reorganizing its structure, functions, or connections is possible if we take the time to manage our initial encounters with others. This is achieved by what you repeatedly expose yourself to, what you consume and how you treat yourself and others. This is core interpersonal communication. The science behind our behaviour and as the only living creature (so far as we know) that can consciously do this, it is a crime not to expose more and more people to this fact…which is developing all the time. Read Synapses and Memory Storage